Seems like everytime i wanna update theres always so much going on. Ive realized i dont want to be a nurse. the patients are ungrateful egotistical dicks…..for the most part anyways. Im changing my career path to paramedics instead of nursing I want to be in on the action plus the schooling is less. Ill probably do a bridge program later down the road into nursing when im older.

As far as things with Kevin…..well we both seem to like each other alot and have strong feelings for each other but……were both fucked up in our own ways. I cant seem to focus on anything, and hes afraid to be alone but also afraid to be in a relationship. To be totally honest I feel like he will ultimately sabotage the potential for a relationship.

Last time we hung out he said he felt like he wasnt being as good a friend as he should be. I can agree to that to a point. I mean I have gotten him a few heartfelt gifts and though he has talked about doing the same he has never given me anything back.

Hes not much of a texter or phone person so him and I talk maybe once a week or so. I dunno hes moving back here next month and well see what happens. But like I said I feel like hes going to sabotage things.

He doesnt realize how amazing he is and he may never. All I can do is put a mirror up to his face and see if he can see himself for the man he really is.

Other than that school and work are going along pretty well I went above and beyond the call of duty a few days ago and literally chased a man around in oncoming traffic for an hour to make sure he didnt get hit or killed by a car. The manager of the floor Mary said something would be done for me. I doubt it though. I really actually feel like writing an e-mail to the higher ups or having a talk with Jenna because the whole situation truly infuriates me. Well see whatsup.

Tomorrow is going to be my first attempt at going to the gym on a regular basis. Well see how things go.

“Chris thank you so much you are the greatest guy. I cant begin to tell you how much i appreciate having you as a part of my life”

Really made me feel good. =)

So much has happened. The ski trip was amazing. Just absolute pure joy. Me and Kevin have really gotten to know each other. Hell he even proposed to me. I said yes to lift him out of kind of a funk that he was in we were both pretty drunk and the next day were able to talk things out logically and both agreed we should probably date before thinkin about getting married. Gosh if we were in vegas we probably woulda had a shot gun wedding hahahahahaha. He really is an amazing person. He has been opening up to me and really letting me in. Its an honor. Hes been on my mind alot and has even been taking up alot of my free time but I dont mind it at all. I gave him the necklace. May cant get here fast enough. I just want to me around him as much as I can. My heart longs for him. And the craziest thing of all is that Im actually able to fall asleep with him in my arms. That has NEVER happened. Ive been getting him alot of gifts and writing him notes/texts about how ill always be there for him but I think I need to stop and maybe pull back a little. I dont want to cone off overbearing. He really likes it when I just lay on top of him he says it makes him feel secure and Im just fine with doin it. Hes really inspired me so a whole new level Im excited to see what things lead to. So yah theres a bit of an update.

Ugh back up to 358 this sucks. I have been eating pizza and cheesefries everynight when I come home this is the payoff.

Not to fall in love with Kevin. Sigh, Hes such a good guy and I really can see a future with him. We talked again lastnight on the phone and he said he liked me a real lot. But that he doesnt want to get into another relationship successively because he doesnt want it to turn out like the last 3 he got into. Meaning a failure. I told him that him going back to Dayton till May couldnt have happened at a better time. This way it lets him have some time to himself and just have a break. He needs it. I miss him a lot though. Having him around just lights me up. And I feel like I do the same for him. I do have a bit of an insecurity about how unfit I am VS how fit he is. Hopefully that doesnt get in the way of things and just motivates me further to get in better shape, Im seeing Joe and Brian in 2 weeks its going to be a BLAST of a weekend! Heres to being optimistic.

Since Kevin got back to Dayton we have been talking pretty regularly. Though we discussed possibly dating before he left last weekend tonite he told me over FB chat that I am perfect for him. We have the same dreams and aspirations as far as wanting to travel and eventually having kids and the whole not being monog for the rest of your life things. Not to mention all the warm and fuzzy ways we make each other feel. It really feels nice to have someone who likes me as much as I like them. Its been a while. Not since Kyle really. So yah pretty happy/stoked/excited pick a fuckin word, Inside I feel like this lady.